Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
