I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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