You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
