There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize