So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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