Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
