what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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