My cat gives me a boner
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
