He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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