There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
