Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
