his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
