Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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