I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize