if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
