I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
