she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
