i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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