I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
