Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
