I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize