there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize