clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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