If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
