I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
