Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
