I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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