Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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