If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
