its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
