i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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