I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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