at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
