My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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