He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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