My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
