I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
