Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
