His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
