It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
