I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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