You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
