we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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