wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
