your parents love me but you hate me
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Acid is not a monday night drug
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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