Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
