I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
