im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
