He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
