Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
