I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Found your dick twin last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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