Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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