The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i think i just lost a toe
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
