There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
