I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
