there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
even my farts smell like vagina
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
