Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize