Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
