Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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