he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
