I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
