The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize