and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
